A Time of Adjusting

This weekend I went back home. Home to me is in Little Rock. I go there for many reasons, sometimes to just get away, sometimes to visit my family, and to help take care of my grandmother. This weekend I went to both get away and take care of my grandmother. I needed the time to regroup myself and get in the right frame of mind.

See, at work I was transferred to the Juvenile Division. It is not that I didn't want to go out there. I was fine with going out there, but I felt the circumstances for me going were different than a normal working procedure. I am not going into details. I guess I was being selfish. I love working downtown for many reasons. I love walking to lunch, I love feeling safe at work, and most importantly I loved my job there. In 2006 I left a job that I absolutely loved to be with my husband. However, part of that decision to make a career change was to make sure I was going to be in a place I loved just as much. I found that. Then all of a sudden, I get moved.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have a job and I will do my job well, but the passion for this job is not there. So this weekend, I needed to go away to clear my head. The first visit I made was to my Me-Maw's house. She has lived 19 years without my Pe-Paw. She is now 92 years old and still gets sad every Christmas when he isn't there (he died on Christmas Eve) but she adjusted and moved on with her life. She told me this weekend all about planting her garden, mowing her yard, and how she was about to bake a chocolate cake. She told me that she was only 29. I laughed and deep down I hope I live to 92 years old and can still mow my yard.

I then spent a lot of time with my grandmother. I took her out of the nursing home and let her spend the night at her house for the first time since February 2008. I made her breakfast and we managed to watch 3 baseball games (2 of my little cousins play baseball). I enjoyed watching the games, but I enjoyed more being there with my grandmother. It reminded me of a simpler time, when I was playing ball and I would look out and in sitting on the sides would be my grandmother and grandfather. I was able to give her that part of her life back. She told me how proud she was of me and she thanked me for letting her come to the games. She doesn't really understand why she can't live at home, but she never complains to me. She always thanks me each and every time I take her out of the nursing home, and never complains about going back.

So, on the way home, I thought to myself how selfish I was. I should just be thankful I have a job. Instead, I was more worried about the fact that I had no passion for the job. I don't think after being there for over a week now that I will have the passion for juvenile work. I also do not think I will ever feel safe there (it's not in the best neighborhood). However, those things really shouldn't matter.

What matters is that I am out of law school. What I went there for is now coming into fruition. Tony and I now get to spend time together because there is no more studying, no more traveling like in our previous jobs, and no more waking up alone in a hotel room somewhere in the country. What should matter is that I take this opportunity, make the most of it, learn from it, try to help others as much as I can, and most of all spend as much time with my husband as I can. So in an effort to adjust, my husband and I ate lunch together for the first time in many years. It was the best part of my day and helped me get in the right attitude about work. I am happy that I work in a job that is 8:30-5:00 and I can take the time to have a lunch with my husband. The way I see it, if both my Me-Maw and grandmother could adjust to a new life why couldn't I.