Baffling

I sit here today baffled (is that a word). Something at work went horribly wrong, my intentions were mis-understood, and I guess I made a collegue of mine mad. I have tried to shake it. It floored me on Friday to read a text from friend/collegue. I didn't get it. I had upset this person. I had-had a fairly lenghtly conversation with this person, thought I knew what this person's wants were, thought I would do something nice for this person because this person had been so nice to me. I acted by writing a letter on this person's behalf.

Now, to my mistake, and I will admit it, I should have check with this person before writing and hitting send. Apparently this person changed their mind or maybe I misunderstood in the first place. But I seriously thought I heard the conversation clearly. However, my intentions were nothing more than to do something nice. That is all I thought about it. Apparently, it was not so nice, and it was frowned upon.

For those who know me, you know I love to work. I started pushing lawn mowers at a young age. When I was old enough to get a job, I did, even though my dad told me I didn't have to. I have never not worked (minor exception for about 9 months the first year of law school). I take pride in my work, work long hours because I like too, and usually have lots of friends at work. However, somehow through this mis-understanding I made some enemies and this overshadows my work. I am floored that no one came to me (well I guess someone did via text, but it took a long time). I am such a direct person, and I guess this time being direct was a fault. I will own up to that. However, I feel like I lost the respect of a few people I admire, look up to, and want to learn from.

I have had a headache for two days now because it really bothers me. I slept like crap last night because all I could do was think of ways to make it up to these people and I how perceive this as a big misunderstanding. Maybe its the hormones, this is such a wrong time for me to be stressing over this. I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow and I need everything to be normal. I just can't shake this. This is so atypical of any job I have ever had. I am just really at a loss with no clear direction because it truly does bother me. I truly do look up to these people and want to speak to them face to face, but I was told to let it go. I just hate that this is now overshadowing my work and that someone possibly thinks I tried to hurt them somehow. Truly baffling!